Nerves

Jenny has been sick all day, don’t really want to make her travel here when she has been so unwell, think I would rather she stayed at home and rested. Sam thinks she will be feeling OK to come to the hospital with me tomorrow but I’m not so sure. Now Miles is saying he’ll come with me instead but I don’t think he should take the time off work. Besides, the reason he gave for not coming was because he has to be at the meeting, so what has changed? Bit cross that he couldn’t just come in the first place without messing about. Makes me sound crazy, huh? Of course I don’t want him to get into trouble of work. Guess my irrationality is a sign of how scared I am about going into hospital tomorrow. Been thinking about having a cigarette for days now, have realised that I am actually quite anxious about tomorrow, the thought of the treatment and the needles and stuff is stressing me out a bit. Keep trying to hint to Miles to get me a cigarette but he never goes as far as to get me one. I know I don’t actually want him to but part of me does.

Physio was almost impossible today, not even sure why I sent. Felt like a bent up old crone.

And no, no art…….

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